A Slice of Sky

Joy (dd8) took part in the Creative Writing Course that I taught during the school hols. One of the writing assignments included responding to a prompt :

“It was the brightest day in August. The sun was a golden orb that was about to set and the late evening breezes swept me along the forest path. My map, compass, laptop and food supplies were tucked tightly in my bag. They weighed like twenty rocks but my heart was light. I was sure I was going to find the fake coins today.
Ahead of me was a clump of trees, arching like guards at the doors of the Deep Forest. I went ahead with the dying sunshine behind my back.”

Joy continued the rest of the story and came up with , what I thought was a first rate adventure. (As you read this, remember that no alterations were made to her ideas and corrections were confined to grammar.)

” I knew I had had to find that relic. But I also felt a cold, sweaty fear, even thought my German shepherd, Toby, was with me. The reason I was afraid was because the whole, forest seemed to come alive. The trees ‘ arms crawled towards me. I was terrified.
I could see silhouettes of the tress looming towards me. I could hear the sound of squirrels, mice and rats scuffling. I could feel the dried branches cracking under my feet. And I could also taste the wet drizzle on my tongue. My dog, Toby, was also getting tense. The hairs on his neck stood up. Tension was piling up. I as afraid we were lost. It was too dark to see my compass.
I walked closer to where I thought was the way out. Then I saw a cave. There was a stone outside the cave. On the stone as carved the name, Chee Weng Giap. I was relieved. We were not lost.
As I went into the cave, I saw the sharp spikes and deep holes. “WE had better be careful here, Toby,” I told my dog. As we carefully entered the cave, I smelt the pungency of the rats’ urine and dung. I could hear the deep groaning of the rats which had fallen into the holes. I grabbed the wall where I almost fell into the hole. The walls felt rough. I tasted the dripping from the leaking ceiling.
I could not find anything . Then, I saw a small wooden, chest. I went over and I lifted the lid. And I saw the gold coins.. Fake, they were, but very beautiful. They were a glittering gold, but they did not have rust at all. They smelt old, but when I touched them. They were smooth.
Then I put the relic in my backpack. Just as I was about to leave the room, the ceiling began to crumble. The walls fell down all around me. Toby started to pull me. “Harder, harder, “ I cried to Toby. He pulled and I pushed. Then, at last, we made it out of the cave! I was overjoyed. But the relic, was it safe? I checked. Good, it was.
Then I went home at last to rest. Toby and I were safe. And the relic was safe too. I was so glad. I had found the lost treasure.”

She, along with the rest of her classmates, wrote this unaided. I collected their compositions, checked them and conferred with the children as to how they could work on their writing skills. I’ll be putting up a website/blog of the children’s work later on.

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